Brian On _______

Jefferson City, MO to STL and back again
______ miles, ______ hours
Total miles so far:
Total time on raod: 39 hours, 11 minutes
States driven through: Missouri
Dead deer seen on side of road: 32
Dead mice: 1
Smokies: 52
Cranky Canadian Border Guards: 1
Royal Canadian Mounties seen: 0

Leslie’s flight didn’t leave until 4, so we were able to sleep late before attacking the final leg of Road Trip ’08.

I got up a little early and cooked us some breakfast: sausage and pancakes with our special Canadian syrup. It wasn’t up to say, Keeneland’s standards, but it was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

Leslie made her flight no problem and I made it back home no problem.

A few stats:
My car drove: 2664.1 miles
We averaged: 28.6 mpg
We averaged 55.1 mph
We used: 93.5 gallons of gas

Cleveland, Ohio to Jefferson City, MO
______ miles, ______ hours
Total miles so far:
States driven through: Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri
Dead deer seen on side of road: 31
Smokies: 48
Cranky Canadian Border Guards: 1
Royal Canadian Mounties seen: 0

What a nice, sunny Ohio morning! It’s perfect driving weather, or at least it would be if three quarters of Ohio’s highways weren’t under construction and being patrolled by 8 gazillion cops.

Speaking of cops, I’m actually kind of digging the Ohio Highway Patrol’s logo.

I drove the first two hours, then Leslie took over, then I promptly proceed to almost choke to death on a Nerd Rope.

For lunch, we stopped off at the Cracker Barrel on exit 104 (Leslie’s fav). It was good, although the pre-meal game (“Skip the Tee”) knocked my self-esteem level down a few notches. Apparently, despite my high ACT score, I am an egg-no-raw-moose (I left four tees). Leslie, on the other hand, succeeded in removing all but one, thus earning the title “genius.” I wouldn’t put too much stock in it though; it’s just a wooden triangle’s opinion.

I climbed back in behind the wheel and Indiana and Illinois went by fairly quickly. Before you knew it, we were in Missouri and soon enough were pulling into my driveway.

My roommate moved out the day after we left and he didn’t clean his dishes or his bathroom before he left, but other than that and my now-overgrown lawn, Leslie seemed to like my house.

There was also the small matter of the mouse in the mouse trap, but better a dead mouse in a trap than a live one in her bed.

Niagara Falls, ON to Cleveland, Ohio
______ miles, ______ hours
Total miles so far:
States driven through: Ontario, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio
Dead deer seen on side of road: 23
Smokies: 28
Cranky Canadian Border Guards: 1
Royal Canadian Mounties seen: 0

I didn’t want to wake up today. My pillow and bed at our hotel was just too awesome. But alas, all good things must come to and end and we packed up shop and said goodbye the Falls.

We crossed the border and drove through New York, Pennsylvania and into Ohio with little fanfare.
Once we hit Cleveland, however, things got a little rougher. Downtown is all one way streets and exactly half of them are closed for construction. It made navigating to the Holiday Inn Express a less than pleasant experience. We finally made it, and it was a good thing because a few more minutes and I would have shifted in to Angry Brian Mode. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum (hereafter referred to as “HoF”), our real reason for the trip (forget Syracuse), was only a seven-minute walk from the hotel so we set out to find it and bask in its glory as its waves of Rock and Roll goodness washed over us in an auditory baptism of guitar riffs and drum solos.

OK, so it wasn’t that dramatic, but it was pretty darn cool. So cool, in fact, that it warranted that 63-word sentence above.

The HoF (not to be confused with The Hoff) is a very large amalgam of a Louvre-like glass pyramid, some wicked spiral staircases and any building designed by Frank Gehry. It looks like it should be housing great works of art instead of the relics of rock and roll. Not that those aren’t art. You get my point.

We each paid our $22 and checked our cameras because of the HoF’s stupid policy. I’m not aware of the Hoff’s policy on photos.

If you imagine the HoF to be like visiting a Hard Rock Café on crack, you’d be wrong. First off, most rockers these days prefer heroin. Secondly, no one is pressuring you to order cheese fries. Thirdly and most importantly, this place is actually a museum.

From the very beginning, the HoF is very overwhelming and it’s hard to know where to begin. It’s not just a collection of guitars and drumsticks. It’s a very academic place, if you can imagine that. The basement level is especially so. It traces the birth and growth of Rock and Roll from the 40s all the way today. The displays were largely set up to depict the regional growth of Rock and Roll.

One of my favorite exhibits were interactive and allowed you to trace a certain artist’s influences. For instance, you could click on Janis Joplin and hear a certain song, then click on her influences and it would play two songs by here influences and mashed together they pretty much equaled Janis Joplin.

The other exhibit I thought was really fun offered you an interactive map and you could trace how different disk jockeys and radio helped spread certain subgenres of rock and roll through out the country, region by region.

I’ve never really been a huge Jimi Hendrix fan, but I really enjoyed looking at his childhood drawings (he was really into drawing football scenes) and reading some of his early poetry. Had he not become a guitar god (or choked on his own vomit), he probably had a future in art.

I really enjoyed that they reached back way further than your typical VH1 rock-umentary, mentioning hundred of rock and roll forefathers from the 30s and 40s.

The second and third floors were largely dedicated to the technology of rock (wax cylinders, records, transistor radios, TV, Walkmans, iPods, eletric guitars, amps, etc.

The fourth floor (it’s a porch, really) is all about Pink Floyd’s The Wall and is creepy.

Up the stairs to the fifth floor was a special exhibit about The Beatles’ movie, HELP! It was fun, but would have been more interesting if I had actually seen HELP!

One more spiral staircase and we were on the final floor, which housed a special exhibit on The Doors. I enjoy Break on Through, Touch Me, Light my Fire and of course Riders on the Storm, but beyond that Jim Morrison scares the crap out of me. While Leslies cruised the exhibit, I watched a concert performance and… wow… I can’t even describe it.

Our Rock and Roll odyssey at an end, we browsed the gift shop. Aside from HoF stuff, they also had a very large music selection. I escaped having only purchased some postcards and a fridge magnet.

My only real complaint with the HoF is that there isn’t a wing dedicated to Queen. Yet. Also, I’ve become keenly aware just how inadequate my iTunes collection is.

We went back to the hotel ordered some pizza and watched E!, marveling at how dumb it is and wondering what kind of idiots watch it.

Oh.

What else is there to say? Cleveland rocks!

Syracuse, NY to Niagara Falls, ON
?? miles, 3 hours, 19 minutes Total miles so far: ??
States driven through: New York, Ontario
Dead deer seen on side of road: 14
Smokies: 23
Cranky Canadian Border Guards: 1
Royal Canadian Mounties seen: 0

Today we woke, bid a fond farewell to Syracuse, and hit I-90 West. A couple tolls and some insanely tall bridges later, we were in Canada (America’s Hat), ready to soak in the glorious splendor that is Niagara Falls (get it? Soak?).

I must admit that I am impressed. Even as I sit in my hotel room I can see the Falls, feel the spray and hear the roar. And now I need to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.

Niagara Falls (Horseshoe Falls + American Falls) is pretty darn big. It’s very overwhelming and hard to get the scale of everything, but I can definitively say it/they is/are bigger than the only other waterfall I’ve ever seen, Price Falls. The spray from Horseshoe Falls alone rises twice the height of the Falls itself. I can’t imagine anyone thinking they could stuff themselves into a barrel and survive. Crazy Canuks.

We parked upriver from Horseshoe Falls and walked past it about a half-mile to face American Falls. We were going to ride the Maid of the Mist and get a close up view of both Falls, but they weren’t running for some reason. Oh well, we got a pretty spectacular view anyway and saved that $12. I’ll just zoom in on my pictures and have Leslie flick water at me.

EDIT: We asked Pat about the Maid and Mist (you’ll meet Pat in a second) and she told us it’s closed until the end of May because of ice in the river. Leslie and I both visited the Maid of the Mist’s website multiple times and we read nothing about it being closed for the winter.

My poor, bald forehead is sunburned. That makes me a sad panda.

We walked up the Niagara “strip” and did some shopping and had a snack at Wendy’s, then went shopping some more so I could stock up on postcards. The lady who sold me the postcards asked me if was ready to “check oot,” which made me happy. We went through a fun Hershey’s chocolate store and proudly passed by the Hard Rock Café, confident in the knowledge that we were both way too cool for that place. Besides, we have to save our Rock and Roll memorabilia quota for tomorrow.

One of the biggest things here is maple syrup. I’ve never really made a connection between Canada and Syrup, but it makes sense: Canada = maple leaf = maple tree = maple syrup. I may have to buy a bottle.

I know it’s “just” Canada and Niagara Falls is pretty darn American, but I enjoy the fact that I’m technically driving in a foreign country.

Speaking of foreign countries, the dude at the “immigration” booth was cranky. I had an easier time and faced fewer question getting into Russia. Oh, and he totally stiffed us on the passport stamps.

We’re on the 10th floor and have a great view of both Falls, so long as I don’t look straight down.

For dinner, we decided on the buffet at the top of our hotel, but to kill some time we sat in the room and watched an Animal Cops marathon. Many kittens, puppies and horses were saved. Oh, and while we were watching, the window washer “rappelled” down past our 10th floor and cleaned our windows for us. They are now quite clear. I expect wayward gulls from the Falls (there are millions of them) to start flying into the glass any second.

Up on the 18th floor in the “Riverview Restaurant,” Leslie and I each ordered the Chef’s Buffet for $39.95 (Canadian… which equals $43.94 US. Curse the weak dollar!). It was pricey, but hey, you only live once. It wasn’t AMAZING, but I ate my fill and enjoyed pleasant conversation while watching the falls from mine lofty perch on high amongst the soaring eagles and the whispers of the heavens. Sorry. I got hit with a wave of poetry there. Giant water falls have a tendency to do that to a man.

Leslie’s favorite part of dinner was without a doubt Pat, our server. I’m not sure why or how Pat charmed her way into Leslie’s short, Korean heart, but dagnabbit she did. How much did Leslie like Pat? This much: We were steps away from the elevator when I jokingly suggested we should get a picture with Pat. I turned around and Leslie was chasing Pat down. Memories. Sweet memories.

We’re having to make this leg of the trip sans Internet, so after dinner we grabbed the laptop and took a short walk to see if we could pirate a free signal and hook in to the Matrix. No such luck.

We did, however, succeed in getting me a bottle of Canadian Coke to add to my collection AND awesome bottle of the aforementioned maple syrup. I’m hoping I can convince someone it’s very expensive fine Canadian bourbon and make them drink a shot.

Back in the room, we’re watching the Best of Chris Farley. That’s one of the things I like most about Leslie: she is so smart and appreciates the highest exploits of human culture, yet she can rock out to Britney Spears and laugh her head off at Chris Farley.

Leslie’s superhero-like crime-fighting sense of smell detected the telltale scent of pot in the hallway and she let hotel management know. That’s another thing I like about Leslie: she’s a model citizen, no matter what country she’s in.

Syracuse, NY

Today was Take-A-Look-Around-Syracuse-And-Pray-Leslie-Doesn’t-Hate-It Day.

Fortunately, she didn’t hate it. In fact, she really liked it and felt very much at home. We toured campus and it was very pretty. There were students lounging around on the Quad and it looked like a postcard. It made me miss OBU.

It was also ridiculously warm. According the Internet (and everyone knows what you read online is true), the average temp in July is 70.4 degrees. Of course, today it was 87 degrees. The Syracuse Physical Plant hasn’t thrown the switch from Winter to Summer, so we sweltered whether we were inside or out and about.

We met with the director of Leslie’s program (I can’t remember what it’s called, but it’s a lot of letters), Dr. Scott McWonderbeard. He was actually very cool and if I were enrolling as a grad student at Syracuse, I’d be excited that he would be one of my profs. He is an Okie and did his undergrad and masters at OU. He is also an ubergeek. Want proof? He has developed a board game he’s marketing in Germany about the action surrounding the bursting economic bubble of the 1750s Amsterdam tulip market. I’m not even joking. He was still cool though. I promise.

Two students from Leslie’s betrothed program gave us a brief tour of campus and answered Leslie’s questions while I sat back and marveled at the sheer volume of information they were spouting.

Syracuse bought us lunch at this fun Irish pub and I had a very good Philly chicken sandwich.

After our official stuff was in the can and Leslie officially matriculated, we bought some Syracuse swag in the bookstore and returned to hotel to clean up and rest.

We both had some postcards to mail so Leslie googled the nearest post office. My GPS directed us there and it turns out it is the single most secure post office on the planet. It’s all good, though, because we made it out with our postcard stamps and our civil liberties intact.

Next, we went to Carousel Center, which thinks it is a really cool mall. I’d give it a 7 at best. We shopped around Borders, counseled my sister to enter an OBU Guitar Hero tourney and caught the 4 p.m. showing of Smart People. It was pretty good, but it was hard to pin down a certain theme. I must, however, give full marks Thomas Hayden Church and Ellen Page.

After the movie, we came back to the hotel and ordered pizza as we watched TV.

BK out.

Lexington, KY to Syracuse, NY
669 miles, 1o hours, 27 minutes
Total miles so far: 1175
States driven through: Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania
Dead deer seen on side of road: 14
Smokies: 18

This morning we woke up early and went to Keeneland, a racetrack/horse farm in Lex (recommended to us by the Todds). It’s nestled in Kentucky’s green rolling hills and it’s more like the sprawling equine-mecca I imagined Churchill Downs to be.

It is so large! I don’t know how many square miles this place is, but it’s easily bigger than my home town and easily has 10x the people, even at 7 a.m. on a Sunday.

We ate breakfast at the Track Kitchen and ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what God had in mind when He invented breakfast.

It’s a hole-in-the-wall kind of place, but it’s a large one. I assume it was originally meant to be a commissary for the trainers and staff at Keeneland before they decided to open it to the public. We each grabbed a tray and the kitchen ladies loaded up our plates with whatever our hungry little tummies desired. I had scrambled eggs, bacon, a biscuit, gravy and breakfast potatoes, but they also had sausage, pancakes, waffles, grits, homemade muffins and bagels, etc. It was very good and very, very hearty.

We wound through the barns and paddocks and worked our way to the Grandstand, braking occasionally for crossing thoroughbreds.

The Grandstand was closed, but we could still walk up to the fence and check out the horses training on the track. They were really impressive. I can’t imagine how exhilarating it must feel to be riding one of those huge animals as it rounds the turn.

We crossed into Ohio, but didn’t realize it because the jerks didn’t put up a Welcome to Ohio sign.

Cincinnati is very hilly.

Ohio was largely uneventful. It helped that I snored through large portions of it while Leslie drove.

She also drove across a small corner of Pennsylvania and on into New York.
The Empire State looks remarkably like Oklahoma, although their turnpikes are significantly more expensive.

We cruised through Syracuse and checked out campus. It is very stately and academic-looking. There were a lot of students walking around and it’s in a very nice neighborhood.

For dinner, we went to Dinosaur BBQ, just a few blocks from our hotel. I had a chili-burger and it was excellent. Leslie had the ribs and declared them the best she’s ever had.

Jefferson City, MO to Lexington, KY
506 miles; 7 hours 49 minutes
States driven through: Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky
Dead deer seen on side of road: 8
Smokies: 6

Leslie’s flight into STL was early, so we got a nice head on the trip.

It rained about 75 percent of the drive through Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky. That didn’t keep us from stopping on the side of the road and posing for pictures at the Welcome to _____ sign.

We officially left God’s Time and are now operating on Eastern Time.

Since we were passing through Louisville, we placed a quick cal to the expatriated Kentuckians, the Todds. They, of course, were not home.

While in L-Ville, we took a quick detour and went to see Churchill Downs the site of the Kentucky Derby (to be run in a few weeks). It was HUGE, but it seemed out of place since it is smack dab in the middle of urban Louisville. We were about 45 minutes late to tour the museum and shop, so we settled on just taking some pix of the exterior.

Onto Lexington and home of the Wildcats, the University of Kentucky. Lex is very hard to navigate, but we found our way to campus. Leslie almost decided to switch from ‘Cuse to UK, but thankfully she talked herself out of it.

Missourians who believe that they are not the great-great-great grandchildren of apes, now have an unlikely advocate on their side.

Hollywood. Ben Stein is an actor, writer, former college professor, game show host political analyst and former presidential speech writer and now you can add spokesman for Intelligent Design to his resume. Although he is probably most well known for his role in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, his latest movie, a documentary called Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed [see A Rough Cut's review here], is coming to the defense of Intelligent Design and all those who would question Darwinism. I attended a screening of the PG film in the Capitol Rotunda where the entertainer introduced it and answered questions.

Stein, it should be noted, is Jewish. Expelled, which Stein narrates with his droll, monotone, will not lead the viewer to Christ nor will insist you believe that the Judeo-Christian God created the earth in six days. It does however, equip the viewer with the tools to question the strangle hold Darwinism has on the academic community. Stein is a strong ally for many Christians and others who are seemingly being denied academic freedom because they refuse to believe in a certain scientific theory. This is what prompted Stein to make the movie.

“Nothing can be questioned about Darwinism, unless you want to be in severe academic jeopardy,” he said. “I have been very troubled by this strangle hold Darwinism has on academic pursuits and by the fact that if you raise the slightest question about Darwinism, you can get fired, lose you job, grants and websites. This didn’t seem to us to be constant with the doctrines of free speech and freedom of inquiry that are basic to the functioning of the United States of America. So many people did not give their lives so that one certain dogma could have a stranglehold on academic pursuits while everything else was expelled.”

The scientific alternative being suppressed and the focus of the film is called “Intelligent Design.” The idea says biological evidence suggests that life is too complex to be explained by random mutation (Darwinian evolution) and that the origin of life and the diversity of species on our planet is best explained by the existence of a Creator. It’s proponents argue that it is not a religious theory and that creator isn’t necessarily God. But, as Stein points out, God’s role in creating the universe makes at least as much sense as Darwin’s proponents. The movie contends that Darwinism itself and many of the scientists who believe it are openly and vocally hostile toward Christians.

“I am not a scientist,” he said. “But I am someone who can draw conclusions from overwhelming evidence.”

Kerry Messer, lobbyist for the Missouri Baptist Convention was present at the screening and gives it two thumbs up and said students, teachers, parents and church leaders need to see Expelled.

“This is one of the most well-made documentaries I’ve ever seen,” Messer said. “It weaves all the elements of the debate together in an entertaining, funny way but in engaging way too. The most important part is that you have a man like Ben Stein basically challenging us: ‘Why are you being silent? Why are you sitting there while your kids are being taught lies?’

“Everyone should go see this movie, especially students and parents of students. While this movie does focus on higher academia, the same things are going on in elementary and secondary education regularly as well. Every pastor in the State of Missouri needs to see this movie so they understand the culture their parishioners live in.”

Expelled will be released April 18 and will be playing in 1000 theaters across the country, including many in Missouri.

But promoting a movie was just part of Stein’s purpose. He was also at the Capitol adding a loud, prominent voice in favor of two bills in the Missouri Legislature that would protect academic freedom and allow for alternatives to Darwinism to be taught and would ensure that students in Missouri’s colleges and universities do not have to sacrifice their faith to satisfy a professor’s whim. In fact, he said the bills were just as much the reason for his trip to Missouri as the movie.

“When we found out these bills were pending in the legislature here in Missouri, we want to come here, wave the flag and show our support for academic diversity and freedom of speech,” Stein said.

House Bill 2554, introduced by Rep. Wayne Cooper, would offer a shield of protection should a professor want to teach an alternative to Darwinism and acknowledge that there are legitimate scientific alternatives. It does not require the teaching or exclusion of any theory.

House Bill 1315, also known as the Emily Brooker Higher Education Sunshine Act, has been introduced by Rep. Jane Cunningham and would “develop methods to ensure that conflicts between personal beliefs and classroom assignments that may contradict such beliefs can be resolved in a manner that achieves educational objectives without requiring a student to act against his or her conscience.”

The bill is named after Emily Brooker, who questioned Missouri State University’s right to force her to lobby and act in favor of issues she believed to be morally wrong, in this particular case lobbying in favor of homosexual adoptive couples. She sued in 2006 and settled out of court.

“I never want to see anyone being forced to do academic chores that are repugnant to their faith and their core personal conscience,” Stein said. “All we’re doing is giving more of an opportunity for freedom of speech. You just have to keep inquiring, keep talking and keep debating. That’s the purpose of our movie. That’s the purpose of these bills here in trying to get academic freedom. I don’t see any reason why you should surrender your freedom or inquiry rights when you pick up your registration card for high school or college.”

Messer said Missouri Baptists should support these two bills. But, he said, the larger issue goes beyond these two bills.

“It’s just another area of public policy where the Church needs to reclaim it’s rightful place in culture as the Bible says is our responsibility. The reason these things go on is because the church has been disengaged for too many years. These are fundamental bills, not only education but to our culture. More and more, the university is molding our students’ worldview. The church should be doing that and engaged is this debate.”

Stein said seeing legislation such as this crop up is the true goal of the film.

“The threshold of success for this movie will be if we can get bills like this moving and if we can get people to understand we are about academic freedom and not suppression,” he said. “We’re about freedom of thought, and of inquiry. The kind of freedom that makes this country great and makes Missouri great. Is anyone left to fight this battle? Anyone? Anyone?”

No, you are not having a nightmare. That woman is indeed holding a high-heeled shoe and yes - though it pains my soul to say it - that shoe is a Croc.

Little did I know that a mere 27 hours after I learned of the existence of Ben Stein's new documentary and wondered out loud to Leslie that I would like to interview the man. But whilst I was wittling away the hours waxing poetic about the fountain drinks at drive-ins, God was working out the details to give me a wonderful surprise (Yes, God wanted me to meet Ben Stein).

Yesterday at 4:43 p.m., I got a fax from the governor's press secretary announcing that the Gov (who is apparently a big Stein fan) would introduce Stein as he showed a pre-release screening of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. I was one of about 100 people (I was the only press, by some miracle from Heaven) who watched the documentary in the Capitol Rotunda and got to speak with Stein afterwards.

I also attended a press conference this morning (slightly better attended) where I got to hear him speak some more.

I'll post more about Ben and some of his quotes later (including a movie review on A Rough Cut), probably tomorrow. I've been swamped all day and my New Testament Survey midterm is due in less than 24 hours.