Brian On _______

Whlie I was driving to church yesterday morning I heard on the radio that the Republican nominnee for vice president would be making an 11th hour campaign stop a mere three blocks from my office. I'm still miffed that I missed the president when he whipped through town last year, so I wasn't going to miss this. I zipped over to the MISSOURI VICTORY CENTER (seriously, just call it a "campaign office") and was able to get a ticket and still make it to church on time.

Even if she and McCain lose tomorrow, it was still fun experience.

Palin was scheduled to speak at noon and the gates opened at 8, so I knew I was in for a long morning. Since my parking lot is so close to the Capitol, I was paranoid some dork would snake it, so I planned to get there extra early. At 7:30 I began walking to the Capitol and by the time I got there, the line was already three blocks long.

I amused myself in line by people watching (I had brought a great book to read, but I can't read standing up... go figure). There was wide variety of Republican and McCain paraphernalia. Of course, eight years ago, these party faithful probably despised McCain. That's why the sensible voter relies on issues and not personality [WARNING: POLITICAL TANGENT AHEAD]. I think endorsing a candidate is useless and narcissistic, but here's my stance on a few issues. I'll let you guess who will win my vote.

• I believe a smaller government is a good thing (this is one area where Bush has clearly failed us).
• I believe lowering taxes across the board is an unequivically good thing.
• I'm am very much pro-life.
• (Security/defense) Biden has said Obama will be tested in the first six months of his administration. That's probably true and in and of itself isn't a damning statement. Who knows, he might surprise Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and pass that test with flying colors. The question remains: Do you want someone who might pass the test and show his mettle, or do you want someone who was tested for five years in a POW camp and passed with flying colors?
• (Willing to cross the aisle) Do you want the most liberal person in the senate to be president, or would you prefer someone who has been the very definition of bi-partisan and centrist for 30 years, so much so that he has angered the Republican elite in years passed?
• I believe the 2nd Amendment is a sacred right. We need an Administration willing to defend that right.
  
• The Fairness Doctrine is wrong and is a violation of the 1st Amendment. We need an Administration willing to be the check and balance against an overwhelmingly democratic Congress that has public said it will be on their agenda.
• I believe we need to secure our borders (this is another area where Bush has failed and McCain is soft).
  

Back to the rally.

The gates opened at 8 and we slowly filed in. I was in the riffraff "white ticket" crowd. Those with yellow tickets got to sit on the Capitol steps. Lucky jerks. OK, so they were mostly veterans. Sure, I staked my claim in the third row with a nice 3/4 view of the podium, but I also ended up standing for nearly six hours. I'm not built for that. Normal humans aren't built for that.

Organizers tried to keep the crowd happy until the appointed hour by pumping in music. You haven't lived until you've seen/heard 20,000 Republicans rocking out to "American Pie." (See the last video below.) Jefferson City is only home to 39,000.

Local and state Republicans took the stage beginning at 11 or so. There were many jokes and jabs at Democrats. A few of them were funny. A few of them. At one point, gubernatorial candidate Kenny Hullshof had us turn around and shout at the offices of the attorney general and his democratic opponent, Jay Nixon. Nixon is going to clean his clock, but it was fun for a few seconds. The best jab of the day was when Random Republican (I lost track) said "I know some of you think it's too late to register to vote. I have good news! ACORN is here and they're ready to squeeze you all in!" Touche Random Republican. Touche.

Finally, it was time for Tina Fey to take the stage. She emerged from the doors of the Capitol and made her way down the steps as Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 played over the PA. I would have preferred something fun like North to Alaska but 9 to 5 is OK. Her husband, Todd, was there too. No word on Track, Trig, Tractor, Truckstop or Trichenosis.

Speaking of music, who got the honor of introducing Gov. Palin? Why, Hank Williams, Jr. (inexplicably nicknamed, "Bocephus"), of course! (FYI, Wikipedia says that it's "BoCephus" and not "Bosephus.")

He started off with National Anthem (see video below) and then went right into a McCain-Palinized version of his (I'm told) hit, Family Tradition (again, see video below). The Dems get Ludacris, Repubs get Bocephus. His song isn't exactly going to go down in the annals of history as a shining example of political rhetoric, but I guess some people liked it. He'll probably help McCain cinch the all-important female grizzly vote in Idaho (keep reading). Me, I could have done without it.


FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY Palin spoke. She was pretty much on message, although I was very upset that she used a teleprompter. A) Aren't we picking on Obama for being too reliant on a script? and B) it's totally blocked my perfect view that I fought for.


How perfect would that shot have been?

Then it was over, except for the baby-kissing and thumbs up when someone shouted "Barracuda." For a first political rally (and one that will likely be meaningless this time Wednesday) it was pretty fun and VERY interesting. My observations and final thoughts:

• When I run for office, there will be chairs. Lots and lots of chairs.
  
• My supporters (or enemies) can hold up any sign they want. I hate to say there is anything fake about the campaign, but the truth must be told. I already mentioned they confiscated all the signs at the gate. Once you got inside, they passed out new signs. I watched them pass them out. They were all the same size and were stacked in order (red, then white, then blue) to ensure a proper distribution among the crowd. I'm sure 100 percent of the sentiments on the signs were heartfelt and genuine (otherwise, why wave it around like a mad man) but it's still a little weird. That said, they had some pretty fun signs. My fav: "The Moose is Lose!" "Happy Palin Day!" one of the ones left outside the gate, is also awesome.
  
• Todd Palin looks tired.
• Republicans are very creative when it comes to head wear
  
• The Secret Service dudes (and two dudettes) were on the ball.
• At least three black Missourians support McCain-Palin. Don't tell Jesse Jackson.
  
• I'm over this whole Joe the Plumber thing. I was glad he didn't make an appearance.
  
• Sarah Palin looks very good in jeans.
• Be sure you check out my pix.