Brian On _______

... the cable news shows began using auto-tune, just like Kanye?

I know this is just about the oldest joke in the book, but it's still funny. Couldn't you just eat him up?

Back when I was a young journalist and full of pluck (a three-and-a-half week stretch in 1999), I really enjoyed CNN. I liked the news ticker that crawled across the bottom of the screen and for some reason I was really impressed by Larry King. The idea that you didn't have wait until 10:02 that night to learn of the goings on of the world was still pretty novel and I was impressed that they were able to go steady, 24 hours a day. As the news industry as progressed, CNN.com has become of many sites I hit to stay informed. But CNN is beginning to abuse the privilege.

Their top story has the following, earth-shattering headline: 21 polo horses die in South Florida! Now, I like horsies just as much as the next guy (they taste delicious!) but by what stretch of the imagination is this the most important news item of the day? I guess it's only right that a far less important story like Iran to allow appeal for US journalist convicted as spy be listed 13th on the page.

Come on, Ted Turner. Snap out of it.

Last night I trekked to St. Louis’s FABULOUS FOX THEATRE* to see one of my favorite artists of all-time, the one and only Paul Simon. He was worth the 150-mile drive, even if I had to sit there for 113 minutes before he even came on stage and I didn’t get home until 2:31 this morning.

The event was actually the 21st Annual Bob Costas Benefit for the children’s cancer wing at a local hospital. I’ve never been to a benefit like this before, and was surprised to see about half the crowd in tuxes and prom dresses. I at least wore a sport coat, so I was far from the most underdressed. If you’re going to expect people to suit up for a concert, you need to make that clear on the tickets.

The FABULOUS FOX THEATRE is pretty cool. You really should take a look at the architecture and décor. I've been to some pretty awesome theaters across the world, but the Fox takes the cake. If I lived in the STL, I'd be there every weekend.

Bob Costas emceed, and he’s actually a funny guy. “There are so many kids that need our help, and Madonna can’t adopt them all.” Also a winner: "This economy is rough on everyone and people are being let go all the time. I don’t know if you remember, but it used to be Simon AND Garfunkel.” Not a winner: All three Sarah Palin jokes. I get it. She likes to shoot things and can see Russia from her front porch.

The first “act” was comedian Robert Klein. I’m told he’s a very famous and influential comedian. I may be exposing myself as very un-hip, but I didn’t think he was funny. Comic ballads to colonoscopies just don’t seem that cutting edge. The short sports announcer with the great hair did much better.

His set lasted an hour, then we had an intermission and I promise you 35 full minutes of thanking sponsors. But it’s hard to complain because some kid is across town dying of leukemia. Finally Paul Simon came on at exactly 9:53. Way to go, Walten Family Dentistry, for being a Silver Circle Sponsor! Next time I'm stuck in St. Louis and need a filling, I'm calling you!

I love Paul Simon. The second album I ever bought with my own money was Simon and Garfunkel’s Sounds of Silence (the first was the soundtrack to Cocktail. Don’t judge me, you know you love Kokomo) and I’ve been a fan ever since. I like they way he speaks his words as he sings them. I also am a fan of his later, post-Garkfunkel solo work, but to a slightly lesser extent. But come on, who doesn’t love the music video to Call Me Al? The world could use a few more Chevy Chase cameos.

A lot of people merely shout lyrics in tune but not Paul Simon. He lays the words down very carefully. I also really respect that he is a singer/songwriter. I’m not going to knock the artist that only sings another’s songs, but it takes a special person to cover every single angle of the process. He is 68 years old, but his voice is as strong, clear and smooth as ever. Backed up by his nine-man band, he sounded great. You can tell he truly loves making music.

He is also a very, very little man.

The set list (not in order):

Slip Sliding Away
Graceland
Gumboots
Crazy Love
Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes
Still Crazy After All These Years
Call Me Al
The Boy in the BubbleMrs. Robinson
Sounds of Silence
The Only Living Boy in New York
Me and Julio Down by the School Yard
The Boxer

The S&G tracks were pretty freaking awesome, even if they weren’t note-for-one the same as the original recordings. S&G bread and butter was (were?) their delicate harmonies and Simon had to rearrange a lot of the songs to fit one vocalist. I sang along to try to help him out, but I’m no Art Garfunkel. I just don’t have the hair.

He didn’t play everything I wanted to hear, but beggars can’t be choosers. I would have loved to have heard 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, Cecelia, Scarborough Fair and Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all.

So I tick off another box on my See Before I (of They) Die List. I got Queen a few years ago in Chicago and I’m planning on seeing Brian Wilson in NJ this fall. If Paul McCartney will just go on tour one more time, I can rest easy.

Oh, interesting tidbit: and there was a blind woman next to me. Her dog just slept at her feet the whole time. I guess he just wasn't music lover.

*It kills me that people/institutions get this wrong: theatRE is an art form. TheatER is a building.

I'm man enough to admit I love watching The Sound of Music. Real men dig musicals! Truly macho men dig musicals re-envisioned in Belgian train stations.

Sound of Music: belgian Train Station